Recently I've been re-inspired to do a blog post after seeing a fair amount on Facebook in the last month, so I've decided to brush this blog off and make a new post!
After quite a bit of thought over the last few days debating about what to write about I think I've settled on just writing wherever the spirit leads. It's hard to put into words just exactly what I'm feeling at the moment as the end of the summer approaches and school is just around the corner. When I go back people are going to ask me how my summer was, and quite honestly, I don't really know how to answer that. My summer...has been interesting, an adventure, a journey, tough, and healing, among other things. I've been very conflicted and distressed and even very anxious.
One wonders how much to share in a public blog.
Over the past two or three months I've been reflecting over the past year and have discovered much that I would rather not have about myself and I think the Spirit had a hand in that one. Just last night I flipped open my Bible and turned right to Psalm 37:23-24 and 38:11. "The Lord makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him; though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with his hand." and "My friends and companions avoid me because of my wounds; my neighbors stay far away." Wow. Those two verses about summed up exactly what I've been feeling for the last while, especially the first one. Let me explain a bit why I say that. The first verse was reassuring to me because first of all, at my job this summer there has been a lot of gossip and talk and I found myself secretly agreeing with much of what they said and then felt guilty afterwards for it. I've also had a few talks with friends and at times I would feel bad because I felt like I was being a bad person by discussing others who weren't there to these friends, even though my intentions were for good and because I truly cared about them. But still. Recently it's been as it there is only a large gray area between good and evil. I've also had many a doubt. (Who doesn't?) Essetially it feels like I've been stumbling along so it was good to be reminded and reassured in that verse. As for the other, that could be said to be how I felt this last semester and what I hope to avoid this next year.
This summer has also led me to do a lot of Harry Potter reading, with a large chunk of it in the fanfiction department. I've also played my 2DS a fair amount as well. I think these two have been my fall-back this summer when things get tense around the house and I want to tune it out. Soooo much drama has happened here in this house that I'm definitely ready to get away from it. Drama would incude my younger brother lashing out in anger part of the time for whatever reason and him flipping out if he doesn't get his way. I think he sees the need to be in control of literally everything and is a hurting person, especially after our dad's death two years ago. Wow, it's only been two years... My mom has also been extremely stressed with everything that's happened, and I don't blame her one bit. If I had one wish that could be granted it would be that peace would reign in everyone's lives!
The beginning of the summer saw me leave on a summer study abroad to Israel, which was fantastic and eye-opening. I will never read the Bible the same way again. I loved being able to see many of the places where events in the Bible happened and learning more about the culture over there. I truly think I have a heart for those who live in the Middle East after going on this trip and seeing what actually is going on over there. Wow. I recommend going to Israel/the West Bank if you ever get the opportunity to go. They are lovely people. It still blows my mind that I stood in the places that Jesus went and taught. I'll be processing this one for a while...
Also this summer was my fourth time helping with the local VBS program, which was a blast, even though I caught strep throat at the end of it. Bleh. I had the wonderful opportunity and privilege of going to two of my friends weddings this summer as well! They were both beautiful. A few weeks ago I went on a family vacation to North Carolina in which there were two uncles and aunts, a grandma, my mom and brother, five cousins, and three other lovely people that were sharing the same beach house with us. While there was so much drama in the van on the way there and back I'd say the trip over all was a blast! I love the beach and the ocean. I had quite a bit of quite time with all of my cousins and got to go deep-sea fishing in which I experienced the joys of being seasick and was able to go jet-skiing with a few of my cousins- I feared for my life but it was awesome and well worth it. I've even gotten some quality bro time in there too this summer, which I cherish.
Scarily enough I go back to college in a few days for my final year at Northwestern as a senior. Wait, what? Since when did I become a senior?! This means that in the next year I'll have to make many "adult" choices- I don't feel quite ready yet... I'm not sure, honestly, how I feel about graduating and then heading into the "real world" yet but I'm hoping things will become more clear and I can figure out just what I want to and will be doing with my life. Overall though, I'm super excited to start the new school year! Just not for the homework...
To the King!
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